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This is something I’ve struggled with- who am I to judge if a woman honestly finds it sexy to put on skimpy lingerie and spread eagle for the camera, or a woman who is super proud of her breasts or her booty and wants to fill a photo album with her ass in the air, posing for an enthusiastic partner who never joins her on the other side of the lens.

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I’m not renting a porn, I’m checking out a human being…so how can the lifestyle be so forward and so behind at the same time?

Really- if it’s about the women, where are the men?

I know I’m just a newbie, and much less- a vanilla who is dipping her toes in the water, but for a scene that is supposed to be liberating, it seems like the same old pursuit of some bullshit, mysogynistic perfection we face in every other aspect of our lives. Surely, I thought, I was just a prude who wasn’t comfortable completely shaving my yaya or taking photos with a dildo sticking out of my vagina and making come hither eyes at the camera. Did I miss the memo that this was supposed to be liberating to pose on a swinger dating site like it was a faux porn shoot?

For anyone familiar with the speech given on newbies night at a local club, the owner will lecture everyone attending that the women are in charge. Women make the calls and women need to be respected.

This sentiment has been echoed by women and men alike that we’ve met in the last few months. At first, this was great- a space where women were welcomed to be sexual, consent was necessary – and if a women didn’t feel safe or changed her mind about an encounter, our swinger culture dictates that you need to respect her decision and back off.

I haven’t seen anywhere else where consent was held up so regularly, communication so valued and women’s boundaries so respected.

While this is great, and usually is respected (at least in theory), it can be startling to sign up for a swinger date site and see nothing but a sea of blurred out faces dotted by frequent pussy and boob close ups. If you’re anything like me, who sometimes finds the online dating tango to be sufficiently superficial as it is when you’re “vanilla,” it can seem like the superficiality of the swinger profiles (despite being touted as a space where female sexuality reigns supreme) is amped up to the maximum.

We’ve been at this swinging game for a few months, and by no means, am I an expert on the scene or the varied experiences of women in the lifestyle.

We are still, very much fumbling through the myriad of emotions, perceptions and even our own identities as we peel through the various layers of self we come across when going deeper into the lifestyle.

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