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If the person you’re doing it with is someone that you see outside of just the bedroom, then it’s best to have this conversation elsewhere.
—pose to their friends about relationships, fashion, family dramas, dating, existential crises, weird sex stuff, and everything else. If you’re swapping saliva and other fluids, you have a right to know what you’re getting yourself into and what’s rubbing up against you. (NOTE: IF YOU ARE SEXUALLY ACTIVE, YOU SHOULD BE GETTING TESTED EVERY FEW MONTHS, YOU DUMMY.) It means facing a brutal and societally taboo unknown with logic and a level of caution that might take the fun out of your sexual prowess and accompanying adventures.
The Women of Deadspin (and some of our clever friends) are here to happily lend an ear, and share some thoughtful advice. And if it’s scary to broach on your own, asking someone else to do it can feel like full-on insanity.
It’s your first time getting down to business with someone new—you’re dizzy in the head, from lust and maybe a little booze and the raw power of your own readily apparent sex appeal—but just as your body parts are precariously aligning and you’re ready to venture into a land of bliss, your inner Voice of Reason slaps at least one of you across the brain, forcing an awkward, breathy whisper of “Do I have anything to worry about? ” Both parties involved know there’s a lot riding on the answers: It’s the only thing getting in the way of you getting off. The idea of disease is scary, even when curable or Not That Big A Deal.
But if you’re old enough to be having sex, you’re old enough to be an adult about it. If you’re comfortable enough to be this intimate with a person, you also posses the courage to ask them when they got last tested and if they’ve been with other people since.
Similarly, you should be willing to disclose if you’re carrying anything that you might be able to give to them.
The awkwardness is inevitable, but you’ll have to embrace it.
It shows a certain level of maturity, and cuts out any trigger-friendly emotions that go hand-in-hand with the blackout surge of emotions (or Darwinian drive) involved in actually, physically being in bed with someone you’re trying to Have A Serious Talk With.
It might seem like you’re questioning their basic understanding of their favorite body parts and/or sexual health.
But you’re in this together, and what benefits one of you benefits you both.
Sure, barring weird smells and, like, talking about your ex, there’s nothing that slams on the breaks of Sexy Time like talking about your sexual health with someone you probably don’t know that intimately (if this is the first time you’ve talked about it).
When I polled friends and coworkers on whether they have ever had a serious or semi-serious talk about sexually transmitted diseases with the people they’re just starting to casually (or regularly) sleep with, the answers ran the spectrum of “No, that’s way too awkward, and I trust them” to “I get tested every few months ... ” Others said they wait until they’ve been monogamous, as the question can feel like an icky invasion of privacy.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating